Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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