I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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