My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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