community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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