Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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