There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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