Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think my mom watched the whole time
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
