you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
