my vag is so smooth its legendary
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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