I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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