You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
