I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
