What a fucking waste of an outfit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
