when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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