When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
