my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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