Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
