He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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