He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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