I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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