i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
