there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
