Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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