I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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