Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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