i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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