Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Are my feet made of real feet?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
