You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if only i could text you this smell
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
