and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
