my phone needs a breathalizer
I looked at my own cervix.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
