when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she told me i tasted like america
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
