He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
