I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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