My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
