its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
