she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize