We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
