none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
