U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
