Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
