he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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