Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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