Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
