So drunk its hurt
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
