Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
