i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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