Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
