I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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