She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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