This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
that may or may not have been my penis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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