I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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