Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
