fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
