Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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