Betty ford says i'm here all night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
