Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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