and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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