my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
