She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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