Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
