I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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