So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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