Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
