there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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