im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
being pregnant is like rehab
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
