I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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