Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
