She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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