And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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