Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
