I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
