just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
