so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
