My nipple is on Facebook.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
