party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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