your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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