Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
