The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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